on nature relation,
self care, well being
and becoming whole
The Jewish holiday of Passover began Friday evening on the Scorpio Full Moon. Passover commemorates the Jewish people fleeing Egypt after 400 years of slavery, led by Moses. Each year, the story of this journey is re-told during the Seder. Mitzrayim is the Hebrew word for Egypt. It means, "narrow" or "constriction." The point of re-telling this story in present times is to remember the history, but more importantly, to look at the present and understand our own personal or societal places of "constriction." During a community Seder last evening, I was given the opportunity to share a personal, "Leaving Egypt" story.
My story was of a deeply personal awakening and transformation, which has affected every aspect of my life- physical, emotional, nutritional, environmental and spiritual. To gain vibrant, balanced health, occasionally, some must go through what appears to be a system in shock, which can look like someone pressed the "self-destruct" button. This powerful energy is referred to by some, as "Kunadlini." The gift in this kind of transformation comes when one is able to step outside of self long enough to understand the essence of what is taking place- disintegration, evolution and reintegration, so powerful, that it can look and feel like all hell breaking loose. It is the power of universal life-force energy, opening an opportunity for re-balance and wholeness.
My journey from Egypt began close to three years ago when I suddenly developed vertigo. It came randomly at first; then I noticed it was connected to light, noise, crowds and certain foods- actually most foods.
I worked hard to stay standing; saw healers of every bent; got diagnoses and got worse. Six months into the vertigo attacks, after missing much work and barely able to hold myself together around people, bright lights and noise, I met a healer, teacher-guide, who helped me find my way.
I discovered I was not falling apart- well, actually, I was- in the best way. I was experiencing a massive transformation, bigger than anything I'd ever known. Once aware of the process, I understood that sometimes our Egypt (enslavement) is right in front of our noses though we have no idea. It took my body to collapse, for me to understand that I had strayed far from my life's path; from my true self. With this realization, I understood clearly that my symptoms were not illness- they were the manifestations of my body, heart, mind and soul returning to balance; bringing me home to myself; my whole self; my higher self; my true self.
With this realization, something opened and I knew what to do. I noticed I was hearing a new voice. It was very familiar. I recognized my inner voice for the first time. It was so very simple; to listen within; that was my work. Once I understood this, I was on my path; crossing the Red Sea, out of Egypt. My inner voice kept me going; kept me pushing through the internal and external breakdown; the disintegration of all that was keeping me enslaved.
I could no longer work at what I had thought was a great job; I could barely leave my home or be with people, around noise, near artificial light, and my adrenal glands were minimally functioning. So, I let go; I let go. I stopped fighting and learned to breathe, feel the quiet and love the solitude. Sometimes I hated the solitude. I let go of every should I ever felt in my life and saw the real me, for the first time.
Through all the disintegration, I pushed myself to re-tool and follow the strong inner voice that told me I was a healer and my work was to teach and to heal- myself and others. I connected with Reiki Master teachers and I followed and I learned from them; becoming a Reiki Master- Energy Healer and teacher. During this period, I completed a 15-month program to add on to my previous degrees in health education, becoming a Whole Health Educator, Coach and Patient Health Advocate. When I began the program, I could barely look at a computer screen or even have lights on in my home at night.
I pushed. I became a master of harnessing my will and my strength. Each day I said to myself, "Everyday you're getting better", "You're getting better every day." With each vertigo attack I told myself, "I'm fine", "I'm fine", "I'm safe." And soon, I got to the place where within moments I could stop a vertigo attack with my words and thoughts. I discovered the power of Mind-Body Medicine. I loved and blessed my food with, "I take you in, as a blessing and in gratitude and allow you to come in to my body and do the good works you are going to do." And, with more time, listening to my inner voice and harnessing my mental strength, the vertigo vanished, the light sensitivity decreased and many of the food sensitivities left- day by day.
I have lived in fear of depleting my savings or losing my home and each day, I am given a powerful lesson in trusting in God. Like Moses, I have been called to listen in and follow the simple directions; to trust in the face of fear; to trust more; to pray and to offer gratitude each day for all that flows into my life.
I am extremely grateful for the following- exponential inner and outer growth; my family near and far; my strong will; the sanctuary of my home; deep friendships and connection; for those who remembered me when I was at my worst, and for Reiki, which feeds my body, mind, soul and spirit. I'm grateful that following 15 months of intense effort, I completed my degree as a Certified Whole Health Educator. I'm grateful for mother nature which nourishes me daily; for meditation, mantra, and Snake Qigong. I'm grateful for Docs Pro Plugs and Irlen Spectral Lenses. I am grateful to once again tolerate and enjoy essential foods, especially dark chocolate. Most of all, I am grateful for the deep knowing, that our greatest gifts come from our biggest challenges.
The slavery of Egypt- Mitzrayim, saved my life and launched my journey towards awakening, rebirth and wholeness.
I am so grateful.
Many Blessings, Sari